Musings

There's only been a total of 3 people in my life who know I write: my boyfriend, my best friend and one of my sushi-buddies from my first college year. Each and everyone of them found it amusing. To my boyfriend, it was like having a girlfriend work at a lingerie shop (which I used to btw), so no real complaints from him about my writing. My best friend thought it was funny yet weird, but it was an outlet, so she respected me regardless. And as for my sushi-buddy... he laughed, since he knew that the first few stories I wrote was when I was still a virgin with no real sexual encounters of any kind.

I think what it is about writing is that I have these scenarios in my head, all capable of being fixed together into some kind of story, and they won't leave me alone until I can get it done. It's very much the same with me as art. I have to sit down and finish it soon.

I won't always do romance stuff, but the ones that are is where the most effort goes. I have a feminine touch to stories which won't ever change nor will I want it to since I don't believe myself as capable to do orgies or BDSM, SM, blood or other kind of fetishes. At least not write about it. Everyone has a line they draw as to what I will write about, and that's where I draw mine.

In real life, I am the kinkier one in my relationship. I introduced my boyfriend/lover to bondage, collars, occassional spanking and power games of the like. But, its done mostly to me. I've called him everything to Master, darling, my King. However, though I am submissive to him, he only dominates me because I let him. As Ive said to him before, "I am your Queen, dammit."

I like BDSM but I don't think I could write about it simply because I know not how to form it into words. Plus, it's just a side of me only he will see, so letting other people see how I would really write BDM is giving people an intimate look at what I enjoy or would like... and how I don't see it as a power trip or power game despite how we may play that in bed.

And so now we move on to one of my stories, Fallen.

I like this story so far, honestly. Diemma is hard to write for because her mind has to be all over the place. I get caught up in writing her emotionally one way, then realize I have to switch her in another direction. I do feel bad that her mind's quite off, but the reasoning behind that will be soon I hope.

I honestly hope my writing has gotten better. My weakest point so far has been grammar. I'm quite crap when it comes to staying consistently past tense or not. :S I guess I get a little too creative and forget about the grammar... which is probably why I turned away from going after a computer science degree. Kyahahaha... you should've seen what kinds of code I turned up in just high school. My professor would shake his head, tell me he understood what I'm trying to do, but the computer doesn't, which is the root of the problem.

Oh well. I do hope you guys enjoy Fallen. I like Valerius even if it seems I don't. He's just a good guy torn between rules he thought were black and white. So when he meets Diemma, a pure gray, he has no idea what the hell to do.

Speaking of grey/gray... I still don't know which version I should be saying. I remember my boyfriend said one of his friends were named gray/grey. I asked "Which one?" He said, "I don't know..." When he asked, his friend said, "Grey/gray, as in the colour."

With my twisted logic, I reasoned that it MUST be Grey because G-R-A-Y is G-A-R-Y spelled wrong.

...yes, and I said it with a lot of conviction. He's still shaking his head about that one.